Jul. 21st, 2016 | 07:00 pm
Feeling really down, uncenterd, unsure about everything.
Wish I had a better support system in my life, like a family or a boyfriend or just someone who is "there". But there is no one there.
Jul. 15th, 2016 | 05:57 pm
Jul. 14th, 2016 | 12:00 pm
And now the nail scissors. I hope this wasn't a big mistake, I'll know in a day or two if I love/hate it. I think I like it.
It is the French independance day today. I didn't even know they had one.
Jul. 12th, 2016 | 03:32 pm
Police here are impossibly good looking, by the way. I have no idea what the deal is, it’s like they have a departmental hotness contest going on, or they all participate in a calendar project to raise money. Hard to keep from staring. I would take photos but don't want to draw attention to myself. Trust me, it's some serious, hardcore, riot-gear-wearing eye candy.
Jul. 11th, 2016 | 11:05 pm
There were noodles (looked like rigatoni) in my belly which were parasites, it was totally disgusting. I slit my gut open so I could pick out the noodle/worms but it was not an easy task. I asked my mother if she would use a long tweezers to remove the worms while I held the wound open wide for her.
Jul. 11th, 2016 | 01:24 pm
I feel a little Godforsaken, just comming off of a long weekend with a fellow named Christian. Thus ended my 3-year dryspell. He made sandwiches and we watched Game of Thrones, talked about our lives, our families, our pasts. We lost track of time and days passed. He is also between jobs (with good prospects), so our situations mirror one another a bit. It was nice to not be alone, to have someone to lay beside, although I don't think it will go anywhere, ultimately. It was perfect for what it was, though.
I had an interview last Friday, will have another tomorrow, and one on Wednesday as well. I really had no idea I was this 'employable', everyone seems interested, its great. And nevertheless I feel a little Godforsaken, a little empty. Maybe I'm still working off the weekend's hangover, maybe it's the equal and opposite reaction to the euphoria I felt last week when I signed the agreement to terminate my employment one month early in exchange for two months of paid vacation. So now I am on vacation for two months as I look for a new position. I also take two classes: German B2, and User Experience Design. So now I will have more time to study. And two months of summer vacation in the heart of Prussia could be worse. I should take some day-trips and explore the countryside.
For now I just wish the clerk would call my name so I can get the registration process going. Grey carpet, fluorescent lighting and summer heat. This is my happily ever after, the beginning and the end of the line. Even God forgets from time to time.
Mar. 14th, 2016 | 06:21 pm
I got up early this morning, meditated for 20 minutes and then went running. Feeling proud of myself for actually doing the things that I always tell myself I should be doing but never actually do.
German class tonight. I missed the last class due to food poisoning. Ole who sits next to me tells me that was a poor excuse, suffering from food poisoning is actually the perfect condition to attend German class in. God he cracks me up.
Mar. 9th, 2016 | 10:53 pm
Learned about infrared saunas today, and I'm totally facinated. A little spa near where I live has one, I'm going to check it out after work on Friday. I wonder if there will be dudes there. I bet there will. It's normal to trot around naked in spas here, men and women together. I find it kind of liberating, kind of awkward. Freikörperkultur, woo hoo!
Mar. 7th, 2016 | 11:43 am
I'm looking forward to exercising, running, riding my bike to work again.
I've been reading Werner Herzog's book, 'Vom Gehen Im Eis' in the original German. When I don't know a word I write it down and make a flash card so I can learn it. So now I have an entire deck of flash cards with words like, "düster (gloomy)", "Weltzusammenbruch (world collapse)", "Unding (absurdity)" and "Finsterling (sinister character)". The book is fantastic, by the way, I highly recommend it. There's an English translation available as well, entitled "Of Walking in Ice".
Mar. 2nd, 2016 | 02:51 pm
Just some bullets on some things.
• I'm on day 6 of a 10 day cleansing fast/detox thing. I can't believe I haven't eaten food since last Thursday! It's kind of insane. I'm feeling good though, which is something I didn't expect. I thought this would be much more difficult, but I haven't felt hungry or crappy at all. I'm drinking tons of juice as well as taking some psyllium fibre stirred into the juice from time to time throughout the day. Even though it hasn't been particularly difficult, I am massively looking forward to Monday when I get to start eating food again.
• I'm taking German classes in the evenings twice a week. So far I've made it to every single class for over a month. Sure, I can speak German at this point, but I really want to improve.
• I bought some nice clothes for myself recently, some non-H&M clothes. I am trying to make an effort to get away from having a ton of cheap clothes that fall apart quickly, to having fewer things which last longer and are of better quality.
Feb. 4th, 2016 | 11:24 am
Nov. 10th, 2015 | 10:43 am
Yesterday I booked a flight to Zürich so I can see my friend's art show next Friday at the gallery that is potentially interested in my work. Woo hoo! The only part that sucks is that to get the cheap flight I had to book the 6:20am one... so I'll have to get up at 3am that morning. I used to take this flight when I had to occassionally travel to Zürich for work; it's do-able but also brutal. C'est la vie
Nov. 3rd, 2015 | 02:40 pm
The man's face is based on the death mask of Frederick the Great.
Tomorrow a woman is stopping by for a studio visit and to interview me about my work. Which means I will need to spend every moment this evening cleaning in preparation.......
Oct. 7th, 2015 | 09:57 pm
In other news, my passport arrived in the mail today!
Oct. 6th, 2015 | 01:12 pm
Three weeks ago I learned that I needed to renew my passport prior to my trip. It was a complete shock and hit me like a ton of bricks – I had not been aware that a US passport is considered invalid 90 days prior to its expiration date.
So I sent my documents off immediately to start the renewal process, which takes exactly three weeks. So there is a chance that I may get my passport back in time, and there is a chance that I may not. I don't know. I don't have a tracking number and no one answers the phone at the US consolate, it's just a long loop of fuck you. All I can do is hope is that I receive my new passport with enough of a window of time to make my flight.
And if not, I thankfully had the foresight to purchase flight insurance when I bought the ticket, which will – I hope – help to buffer the costs and BS of needing to move my flight to another day.
Normally I would be happy and excited to be going on a big trip, but at this point I just feel stressed and worried. I try to stay positive but it's not easy, especially given the frustrating conversations I've been having with my mother over Skype. I wonder to myself, how am I going to get through this? Deep emersion within the dysfunctional.
Sep. 25th, 2015 | 05:52 pm
Saturday evening I'm going to check out the Kreuzburg Pavillon show – always a treat – and the line-up of artists looks great.
On Sunday I'm meeting up with another friend to go search the forests surrounding Berlin for edible mushrooms. A couple years ago when we did this we found some enourmous parasol mushrooms in the Grunewald, so hopefully this year we will be successful as well. That is also the day of the September Harvest/Super-Moon lunar eclipse, so the perfect day for an autumn forest romp.
Sep. 9th, 2015 | 05:37 pm
I finally broke down and purchased The Elder Scrolls Online... the cold weather hibernation season will be here soon and I intend to entertain myself via adventures within the elaborate landscapes of digital fantasy and roll playing.
I re-arranged the furniture in my home and I think the feng shui is much better. I hadn't even noticed there was a problem, but swapping the locations of my bed and the sofa has made a world of difference.
Sep. 4th, 2015 | 02:45 pm
I'm going to a party/event Saturday night called 'The Magus'. There's a decent line-up of DJs and performance artists, and the dress code is 'SX Magic'. I have something I'd like to wear in mind, hopefully it will come together decently. Need to pick up white face paint on the way home this evening.
I am finally able to comfortably wear all the clothes I bought for myself earlier this summer! YAY
Good bye fat pants
Aug. 28th, 2015 | 11:28 am
I found a pet sitter for Rasputin for while I am on holiday in the States. She's coming over to my place on Sunday to meet him and get the low-down on what will be required. Which won't really be much, he's not an especially needy bird. Given a large pan of food and a large pan of clean water he will happily go about his business and daily tasks (building intricate nests with found materials, long-winded conferences with the bird in the mirror, executing complicated dances with his shadow on the wall, etc.). The pet sitter's duties will mainly be to make sure the food pan continues to have food in it and the water in the water pan is fresh and clean. I plan to paper the the floor so cleaning up droppings won't be a massive pain in the ass when I get back (he doesn't normally have accidents on the furniture, so that's not a problem). It makes me feel better knowing that someone who is a vetted pet sitter is looking in on my bird at regular intervals, letting him know he's not forgotten.