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alcippe

Everything's going wrong today

Jul. 21st, 2016 | 07:00 pm

Found out the job I really really wanted went with another candidate. Fuck.

Feeling really down, uncenterd, unsure about everything.

Wish I had a better support system in my life, like a family or a boyfriend or just someone who is "there". But there is no one there. 

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alcippe

Foot placed firmly in door

Jul. 15th, 2016 | 05:57 pm

My favorite job prospect just emailed to let me know that their team liked me and that they would like me to do a little 3-4 hour test project (which is, by the way, a totally normal thing here in Germany) so they can see how I do. Woo hoo! This is so so so very cool.

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alcippe

Cutting my hair with a nail scissors

Jul. 14th, 2016 | 12:00 pm

This is what I found myself doing this morning as I readied myself for the day. I can't bring myself to go to an actual hair salon after having received a haircut that virtually neutered me a couple years ago.

And now the nail scissors. I hope this wasn't a big mistake, I'll know in a day or two if I love/hate it. I think I like it.

It is the French independance day today. I didn't even know they had one.

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alcippe

My own personal riot

Jul. 12th, 2016 | 03:32 pm

Sophie’s coming over tonight and we’re going to bash pots and pans together in protest of what’s happening across the street from me at Rigaer Straße 94. It's my own personal riot, and I can’t hide in my home any longer, I’m developing PTSD from the stress and noise. There’s always the possibility I might get swept up in the chaos and arrested, but with luck that won’t happen. I have no intention of doing anything violent aside from making some irritating noise with kitchen accoutrements.

Police here are impossibly good looking, by the way. I have no idea what the deal is, it’s like they have a departmental hotness contest going on, or they all participate in a calendar project to raise money. Hard to keep from staring. I would take photos but don't want to draw attention to myself. Trust me, it's some serious, hardcore, riot-gear-wearing eye candy.

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alcippe

Dream

Jul. 11th, 2016 | 11:05 pm

I had the most unsettled dreams last night.

There were noodles (looked like rigatoni) in my belly which were parasites, it was totally disgusting. I slit my gut open so I could pick out the noodle/worms but it was not an easy task. I asked my mother if she would use a long tweezers to remove the worms while I held the wound open wide for her.

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alcippe

Floating

Jul. 11th, 2016 | 01:24 pm

There is a first time for everything, and for me, registering at the Arbeitsamt as a newly unemployed person is one of them.

I feel a little Godforsaken, just comming off of a long weekend with a fellow named Christian. Thus ended my 3-year dryspell. He made sandwiches and we watched Game of Thrones, talked about our lives, our families, our pasts. We lost track of time and days passed. He is also between jobs (with good prospects), so our situations mirror one another a bit. It was nice to not be alone, to have someone to lay beside, although I don't think it will go anywhere, ultimately. It was perfect for what it was, though.

I had an interview last Friday, will have another tomorrow, and one on Wednesday as well. I really had no idea I was this 'employable', everyone seems interested, its great. And nevertheless I feel a little Godforsaken, a little empty. Maybe I'm still working off the weekend's hangover, maybe it's the equal and opposite reaction to the euphoria I felt last week when I signed the agreement to terminate my employment one month early in exchange for two months of paid vacation. So now I am on vacation for two months as I look for a new position. I also take two classes: German B2, and User Experience Design. So now I will have more time to study. And two months of summer vacation in the heart of Prussia could be worse. I should take some day-trips and explore the countryside.

For now I just wish the clerk would call my name so I can get the registration process going. Grey carpet, fluorescent lighting and summer heat. This is my happily ever after, the beginning and the end of the line. Even God forgets from time to time.

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alcippe

Infrared

Mar. 14th, 2016 | 06:21 pm

The infrared sauna on Friday was awesome. So awesome, in fact, that I went again on Sunday. I am loving having this little neighbourhood spa just around the corner from me, it is so convenient and affordable. I sat in the Kaminzimmer (fireplace room) for an hour reading the Süddeutsche Zeitung, in which there was a long article about Donald Trump.

I got up early this morning, meditated for 20 minutes and then went running. Feeling proud of myself for actually doing the things that I always tell myself I should be doing but never actually do.

German class tonight. I missed the last class due to food poisoning. Ole who sits next to me tells me that was a poor excuse, suffering from food poisoning is actually the perfect condition to attend German class in. God he cracks me up.

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alcippe

// No Subject //

Mar. 9th, 2016 | 10:53 pm

Had a meeting with HR this afternoon and they are finally giving me the title Creative Director. I am already the unspoken manager of the creative team, but now I have the title I deserve. I finally feel legitimized.

Learned about infrared saunas today, and I'm totally facinated. A little spa near where I live has one, I'm going to check it out after work on Friday. I wonder if there will be dudes there. I bet there will. It's normal to trot around naked in spas here, men and women together. I find it kind of liberating, kind of awkward. Freikörperkultur, woo hoo!

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alcippe

Unding

Mar. 7th, 2016 | 11:43 am

I ended my 10-day fast this morning with a mug of bone broth and half a stewed tomato. The idea is to go slow with re-introducing food at first to give digestion a chance to work back up to speed. Light salads for lunch and dinner. It won't be much at first but I'm okay with that – to be honest I'm not feeling any hunger, which seems counter intuitive. I weighed myself this morning and and found that I have lost exactly ten pounds in ten days, which I would have thought impossible. Hopefully it wasn't all muscle.

I'm looking forward to exercising, running, riding my bike to work again.

I've been reading Werner Herzog's book, 'Vom Gehen Im Eis' in the original German. When I don't know a word I write it down and make a flash card so I can learn it. So now I have an entire deck of flash cards with words like, "düster (gloomy)", "Weltzusammenbruch (world collapse)", "Unding (absurdity)" and "Finsterling (sinister character)". The book is fantastic, by the way, I highly recommend it. There's an English translation available as well, entitled "Of Walking in Ice".

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alcippe

Bullets

Mar. 2nd, 2016 | 02:51 pm

Just some bullets on some things.

• I'm on day 6 of a 10 day cleansing fast/detox thing. I can't believe I haven't eaten food since last Thursday! It's kind of insane. I'm feeling good though, which is something I didn't expect. I thought this would be much more difficult, but I haven't felt hungry or crappy at all. I'm drinking tons of juice as well as taking some psyllium fibre stirred into the juice from time to time throughout the day. Even though it hasn't been particularly difficult, I am massively looking forward to Monday when I get to start eating food again.

• I'm taking German classes in the evenings twice a week. So far I've made it to every single class for over a month. Sure, I can speak German at this point, but I really want to improve.

• I bought some nice clothes for myself recently, some non-H&M clothes. I am trying to make an effort to get away from having a ton of cheap clothes that fall apart quickly, to having fewer things which last longer and are of better quality.

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alcippe

Dream

Feb. 4th, 2016 | 11:24 am

I was on my lunch break outside in a courtyard/pedestrian walkway and saw a white dove walk by with a plastic bubble on its head, kind of like a 1950's space helmet. I thought it was funny and laughed but then thought maybe the bird had gotten the plastic bubble stuck on its head and couldn't get it off, so I went back to see if I could help remove it. I found the bird but it had transformed into a very cute, slow moving mouse. I found it easy to pick up the mouse because it moved so slowly, leading me to think that perhaps it was sick, but then I saw that it was actually in the act of giving birth. The first baby it had was hairless and tiny but I could tell that it was a kitten. A second baby kitten was born as well. Then the mother mouse escaped from me, leaving me with its two newborn kittens. I felt that it was important for the babies to be with their mother – to keep the tiny family together – so I searched for the mother mouse and found her under a table. I leaned over to pick her up, but the large puppy I was holding in my left arm lunged forward and swollowed her. I hadn't even been aware that I was also carrying a puppy, I must have picked it up somewhere along the way. I was horrified by what it had done, and deeply dismayed that I had forgotten I was carrying it.

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alcippe

The Ombudsman

Nov. 10th, 2015 | 10:43 am

Now with fleshed out bodies:



Yesterday I booked a flight to Zürich so I can see my friend's art show next Friday at the gallery that is potentially interested in my work. Woo hoo! The only part that sucks is that to get the cheap flight I had to book the 6:20am one... so I'll have to get up at 3am that morning. I used to take this flight when I had to occassionally travel to Zürich for work; it's do-able but also brutal. C'est la vie

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alcippe

The Ombudsman

Nov. 3rd, 2015 | 02:40 pm

I just started this last week, the working title is 'The Ombudsman':



The man's face is based on the death mask of Frederick the Great.

Tomorrow a woman is stopping by for a studio visit and to interview me about my work. Which means I will need to spend every moment this evening cleaning in preparation.......

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alcippe

This keeps going through my head

Oct. 25th, 2015 | 10:08 pm

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alcippe

Deep thought

Oct. 7th, 2015 | 09:57 pm

If I was a street artist and had to pick a pseudonym to protect my identity (like Banksy, Obey, Space Invader, etc.) I would choose Diahorrea, because I bet that name hasn't been used by anyone yet. Same thing if I was a DJ – I think there's a nice ring to 'DJ Diahorrea'.

In other news, my passport arrived in the mail today!
YAAAAY

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alcippe

Visiting home

Oct. 6th, 2015 | 01:12 pm

I'm finally going back to Chicago for a visit. My flight is scheduled for Sunday morning, but due to circumstances beyond my control I have no idea if I'll be on it.

Three weeks ago I learned that I needed to renew my passport prior to my trip. It was a complete shock and hit me like a ton of bricks – I had not been aware that a US passport is considered invalid 90 days prior to its expiration date.

So I sent my documents off immediately to start the renewal process, which takes exactly three weeks. So there is a chance that I may get my passport back in time, and there is a chance that I may not. I don't know. I don't have a tracking number and no one answers the phone at the US consolate, it's just a long loop of fuck you. All I can do is hope is that I receive my new passport with enough of a window of time to make my flight.

And if not, I thankfully had the foresight to purchase flight insurance when I bought the ticket, which will – I hope – help to buffer the costs and BS of needing to move my flight to another day.

Normally I would be happy and excited to be going on a big trip, but at this point I just feel stressed and worried. I try to stay positive but it's not easy, especially given the frustrating conversations I've been having with my mother over Skype. I wonder to myself, how am I going to get through this? Deep emersion within the dysfunctional.

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alcippe

Harvest super moon lunar eclipse

Sep. 25th, 2015 | 05:52 pm

Tomorrow I'm doing breakfast with two friends visitng from the States, I'm going to take them to my very favorite breakfast cafe, Goldmarie, and pray that we can get a good table. YAY Großes Frühstück!

Saturday evening I'm going to check out the Kreuzburg Pavillon show – always a treat – and the line-up of artists looks great.

On Sunday I'm meeting up with another friend to go search the forests surrounding Berlin for edible mushrooms. A couple years ago when we did this we found some enourmous parasol mushrooms in the Grunewald, so hopefully this year we will be successful as well. That is also the day of the September Harvest/Super-Moon lunar eclipse, so the perfect day for an autumn forest romp.

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alcippe

Art in a musty cellar

Sep. 9th, 2015 | 05:37 pm

The party on Saturday was a fairly lame affair, I was disappointed. Self important performance art in a musty cellar and the over-availability of space cakes made for an annoying crowd and environment so my friend and I cut the night short and went home. It wasn't a total waste, but not at all the party I had hoped for (I didn't even get to dance!), so my search for a decent party continues.

I finally broke down and purchased The Elder Scrolls Online... the cold weather hibernation season will be here soon and I intend to entertain myself via adventures within the elaborate landscapes of digital fantasy and roll playing.

I re-arranged the furniture in my home and I think the feng shui is much better. I hadn't even noticed there was a problem, but swapping the locations of my bed and the sofa has made a world of difference.

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alcippe

Butter vs. wood

Sep. 4th, 2015 | 02:45 pm

I rode my nice Felt bike to work today because my crappy bike has a flat tire. The riding experience was very different; like slipping through butter, as opposed to sawing through wood. Now that there's space in the office to put my bike during the day I think I'll start riding the nice bike more. I need to take the toe clips off the pedals, though – those fuckers are going to get me in an accident one of these days if I don't – I'm constantly tripping all over myself trying to get my toe in the scoopy thing after every stop, it's such a nuisance.

I'm going to a party/event Saturday night called 'The Magus'. There's a decent line-up of DJs and performance artists, and the dress code is 'SX Magic'. I have something I'd like to wear in mind, hopefully it will come together decently. Need to pick up white face paint on the way home this evening.

I am finally able to comfortably wear all the clothes I bought for myself earlier this summer! YAY
Good bye fat pants

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alcippe

Executing complicated dances

Aug. 28th, 2015 | 11:28 am

I'm so glad I got my bicycle in working order, I rode to work this morning and it was a really nice, easy ride.

I found a pet sitter for Rasputin for while I am on holiday in the States. She's coming over to my place on Sunday to meet him and get the low-down on what will be required. Which won't really be much, he's not an especially needy bird. Given a large pan of food and a large pan of clean water he will happily go about his business and daily tasks (building intricate nests with found materials, long-winded conferences with the bird in the mirror, executing complicated dances with his shadow on the wall, etc.). The pet sitter's duties will mainly be to make sure the food pan continues to have food in it and the water in the water pan is fresh and clean. I plan to paper the the floor so cleaning up droppings won't be a massive pain in the ass when I get back (he doesn't normally have accidents on the furniture, so that's not a problem). It makes me feel better knowing that someone who is a vetted pet sitter is looking in on my bird at regular intervals, letting him know he's not forgotten.

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