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// No Subject //

May. 4th, 2015 | 10:04 am

Nice long weekend.

In a fit of feeling dissatisfied with my wardrobe, I went through my clothes and re-engineered them. That is, I took skirts that didn't fit at the waist and took them in, sewed buttons back on and set things aside to take to the tailor for repairs that I can't do myself.

Yesterday I went out to Spreewald (about 1.5 hours south of Berlin) with my freind C. Here's an image of the traditional look of the region, which has Slavic roots:

We spent the day at a thermal spring. We were there for about six hours, in and out of the sauna, the steam room, the hot tub, the heated outdoor pool, the salt pool and the brine inhalation room. Pretty awesome.

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New clouds

Apr. 12th, 2015 | 08:00 pm

I haven't had a chance to paint since I started the new job. It was a struggle to keep my Sunday free from errands, obligations and social activities, but somehow I managed to do so, and was able to devote the afternoon to working on the painting.

I re-did the clouds in the background and fleshed out the pencil-like tool in the scientist's hand. I'm going to let it dry and then move it to the hallway so I can begin working on something new.

Feel like I might be coming down with something. A slow, dreary decent into illness, probably a sinus infection. I should go to bed early tonight.

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Four and twenty pigeons

Apr. 8th, 2015 | 02:48 pm

Last night I dreamed that I opened my oven and found that it was stuffed full with live pigeons. I had apparently felt the need to 'dry them', so had placed them inside the oven and turned the heat on low. This low heat was enough to kill some of the birds in the back of the oven where it became hottest. I felt crushing guilt over their deaths.

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Apr. 7th, 2015 | 11:42 pm

Poking around for treasure in the Victorian landfill along the Thames estuary was incredible. We got there at low tide and everything was wonderfully exposed. We had taken the train from London to Essex to get there – a stretch along the Thames estuary by Coalhouse Fort (which is supposedly extremely haunted).

Bones lay scattered among the broken bits of pottery and glass, as the Victorians had dumped the bodies of previous generations (ie, people in wigs) in the garbage to make way for new bodies in the London cemetaries. By the way, that's a little bunker on the left in the above photo, snuggled into the riverbank. The area was fortified during WWII but never saw much action, only one enemy plane was ever shot down.

We walked as far as we could until the rocks made the way impossible.

Now my treasures need a good wash. Yellow Fever and all that.

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Apr. 2nd, 2015 | 10:58 pm

London here I come – plane takes off tomorrow at 11am and I'll be there by noon.

There are so many things I would like to do while I'm there, one of which is to walk and perhaps lightly dig amongst the remains of a regency era cemetery/victorian garbage dump. Apparently it's become eroded over the years and things are starting to come up.

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// No Subject //

Mar. 30th, 2015 | 10:00 am

Terrible weekend. Feeling bummed, tired, sad, exhausted.

I have an app on my phone ("Magnetology") that alerts me when Earth experiences a solor storm. Interesting thing is, when we're experiencing these storms, everything seems to go haywire in my life. I get really sick, develop a conflict with someone or my hot water stops working. Random stuff. But there's a correlation. I remember looking at my phone thinking "I should batten down the hatches over the weekend", and I wish I had remembered to do that.

This too shall pass.

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Adventure awaits

Mar. 24th, 2015 | 04:45 pm

Despite today's Germanwings disaster, I just booked a flight to London. I'm going to spend the long Easter weekend there, visiting my good friend Sophie and seeing the sights. Staying at a place called Pepy's Road B&B. YAY

Last time I was in London was for work. I saw this cat in a blue dress and have forever wanted to return:

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Super eclipse moon blood equinox

Mar. 21st, 2015 | 01:39 pm

I met up with Rose at 11pm and we walked around Mitte looking for fun and adventure. We ran into some people we knew and hung with them for a while, and then made our way over to Clärchens Ballhaus (opened in 1913 and survived the wars intact), which I've always wanted to go to because the interior is so amazing, like something from a Kubrick film. This photo, taken during the day and all lit up, doesn't do it justice – but you can at least see that there's metallic tinsle decorating the walls and the mother of all disco balls hanging from the ceiling.

Rose's boyfriend was there with some clients from Edinburgh, so we hung out and chatted with them. They had all just been at an awards ceremony for a TV spot they had collaborated on; their spot had received two award nominations but didn't win either, so they were all glum as a result, but happy for Rose and I to join them and give their night a female element.

Because Clärchen's has been around forever, the place draws in people of every sort and age. So the crowd was a really mixed bag: there were retired people, families, business people, old ladies out on the town, teenagers, kids, you name it. We tried to dance but were followed around the dance floor by what appeared to be a Gypsy midget, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. It kind of killed our will to dance, so we retreated back to our table of bummed out ad men. Rose's boyfriend is fucking hilarious, though, so it was hard for the Scots to stay sad, what with him dancing around us with a 100 € note stuck to his forehead and a flower in his mouth.

I took a cab home around 3am and the driver couldn't get me all the way to my building because the street was blocked off with police vehicles. Everything was enveloped in a cloud of complete darkness as if a light vacuum had just passed over sucking up all the photons. The driver cautioned me to stay on my guard, to keep my wits about myself and to scream as loud as I could if anything were to happen as I walked the remainder of the way home.

Walking down the street I could make out the shapes of people standing around outside in disorientation, huddled in clusters. The air was filled with smoke and an acrid smell as though a gun battle had just gone down or something had exploded. I wanted to stop and ask someone what was going on, but more than that I wanted to get home as fast as possible. I was beginning to fear for my storefront as I hadn't thought to secure the front before I had gone out, leaving my windows exposed to whatever had gone down. On arriving home I saw, thankfully, that my windows were all intact, although there were the remains of a massive bonfire in the middle of the street. Thank fucking God the angel of anarchy has once again passed over my home.

The power was out in my building, so I had to grapple for matches in the dark and remove my makeup by candlelight.

About an hour later as I lay in bed I heard the gentle woosh of power being restored and all of my devices and appliances coming back to life.

Today I see in the news that there was some rioting and looting – our Lidl was looted!! I find this hilarious. People looted the fucking discount grocery store? Battle cry: I WANT ALL OF THE CHEEEEESE

And of course now I need to go grocery shopping :/
I hope Lidl is back to normal by now.

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Mar. 20th, 2015 | 12:00 am

Going out dancing tomorrow night. My friend R and I are trying to find a good place to go to but the majority of the clubs here are house/techno and that's not really our thing. Wanna find something not so repetative, not so 'oons oons oons...'

For no reason at all – here's me back in 2006, paying homage to Edie Sedgwick.
I miss that apartment like you wouldn't believe. When I have dreams about being 'home', they all take place there.

Happy spring equinox and eclipse!

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Mar. 15th, 2015 | 11:21 am

My older brother was visiting me and we ended up at a dive bar cafe sitting around a round table with a bunch of crazy characters – there was a large black girl with bad hair wearing a black vest and shorts and nothing else; her breasts hung out for all to see but no one seemed to notice or care. She was drunk and out of control, climbing onto the table and making a ruckus. A blonde, half naked cross dressing hippy came in and sang a show tune – he was actually quite good. An old gypsy woman with a green scarf tied on her head began to play the piano. I worried that the chaos and strangeness would upset my older brother who is very sheltered and conservative, but he was not bothered and appeared to be having a good time.


I discovered fruit trees growing near my home and saw that there was delicious ripe fruit hanging on them. I thought to myself that I should come back with baskets and pick some for myself, but then it occurred to me that the trees were owned by a big fruit corporation. I decided that it wouldn't matter and no one would be able to tell that such a small fraction of fruit was missing. I made plans to freeze the cherries for use over the winter when such things would be scarce.


Something important was dropped down a drainage pipe, but then I could see how all things are connected, and how the important thing would eventually end up being found by the exact people who would need it.


I was in the kitchen of my new apartment – it had no furniture save for my old captain's chair. The walls had wainscoting and had been painted hundreds of times over, and the floors were thin slats of worn wood. It felt amazing to be in this space – my space – and I envisioned how nice it would be to live there. I put my feet up on the stove and relaxed and pictured myself relaxing like this every morning with a cup of coffee.

There were two rooms to my new apartment, so eventually I got up to go look at the second room.

It had the same old floor and walls, and large windows looked outside. Looking out, I saw that just beyond my window there was a bit of roof, so in the summer I would be able to sit out there like a balcony.

Then behind myself I heard the sound of birds inside and turned around to see that thousands of baby vultures were living in a small space sealed off by a row of short windowed cabinets built into the ceiling. The space had been a place for storage, but a hole had formed from the outside and the birds had taken it over. My presence had put them into a panic. They were frantically flying out through the hole in the roof, effectively clearing themselves from the space. They had little black heads and although they were babies they were already able to fly. There had been too many of them living in such a small space and some of them had become diseased. Others had maggots stuck to them. I was relieved to see them leave.

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// No Subject //

Mar. 8th, 2015 | 08:49 pm

I went to a costume party last night. Got the invite with only 24 hours to prepare, so didn't have a whole lot of time to whip something together. I originally wanted to dress up as a character from one of my paintings but couldn't source face paint within such short notice. So I bought a curtain at the second-hand shop and went as this (I don't have a name for it – '1780s era french woman' maybe) instead. I took this photo when I got home at 4am, so all of the pretty flowers that had originally been in my hair had fallen out by then (dancing, public transportation, the wind, etc. took them out one by one).


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Sorry so silent

Mar. 5th, 2015 | 04:33 pm

Internet is out at home. T-Home decided to 'upgrade' their technology –> FAIL.
It may be some time before I'm back up and running. Carry on.

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// No Subject //

Mar. 1st, 2015 | 10:23 pm

I called home to talk to my mother this evening. I told her about my new job, and then mentioned that – given the new job and all the paid time-off that comes with it – I would like to visit Chicago in the middle of April. The first words out of her mouth were thus:

"Spending money before you've earned it?"

I asked her if that was her round-about way of indicating that she'd rather I not come? She said no, no, please DO come. But now all I can think about is how I am spending money unwisely. Even though I have shit tons of savings, I have not saved every penny from this NEW job, I have not fasted on water for a month straight, forgone the pleasures of heat and warm water, donned sackcloth every morning for a year... I DO NOT DESERVE A VACATION.

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// No Subject //

Feb. 22nd, 2015 | 07:55 pm

Since starting work at the new job I've been sleeping like a baby at night. No more insomnia! And I've been falling asleep at a regular hour! It's amazing, and such a relief. I guess the stress of not having a regular job was getting to me.

I cleaned my home and worked on a painting this afternoon (just a green background layer, nothing worth sharing).

I wish I didn't have pimples all over my forehead. All the stress from last week has turned my complexion into a minefield of acne. Ewww

Oh – I know what to do! I have bentonite clay. I can make a silly green facial mask for myself :)

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// No Subject //

Feb. 21st, 2015 | 10:47 pm

Also finished and now properly photographed. Finally now able to capture the fact that the background is turquoise! My old camera always read it as blue.

Observations & Experiments on Different Types of Air
oil on canvas
170 x 210 cm

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Feb. 21st, 2015 | 05:29 pm


Having fun with the new camera. A couple more images from around my studio under the cut.
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Feb. 21st, 2015 | 03:17 pm

To celebrate having a new job I purchased a good camera so I can finally take some high quality photos of my paintings.

I can finally capture color and detail that are generally true-to-life, even on cloudy days (like today) and not spend a billion hours on color correction. I finished the final details on this painting last week, so it is now totally FINISHED – which is also something to celebrate :)


The Footmen (Insomnia vs. Somnambulism)
170 x 210 cm
oil on canvas

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// No Subject //

Feb. 16th, 2015 | 03:49 pm

I got the job! YAY

I start tomorrow :))

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Feb. 16th, 2015 | 07:07 am

I didn't get a single moment of sleep, all night long.

Need to be in the office today at 9am. Hope I don't suddenly fall asleep at my desk, although in this moment I feel like sleep will never ever be possible for me again, no matter where or what the circumstances.

I couldn't turn off my internal monologue, it just kept babbling away at full blast. I'm supposed to hear back regarding the job today, I'm sure that's the root of this but wow, SO inconvenient.

You know, just as an aside, I could swear that around 3:30am I could see just as clearly with my eyes open as closed. My brain wanted to be asleep so badly that I was dreaming while still wide awake. Hypnagogic hallucinations.

Ok, where's the coffee..

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Feb. 13th, 2015 | 09:54 pm

I am going to Sanssousi tomorrow!!! YAY

Also, a meme, via meathiel:

1. How many jobs have you had, and which was your favorite?
I've had a ton, some of which have been fulltime, some of which have been freelance. All have been art/design related (or, prior to 1997, coffee-related).

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