March 22nd, 2013

puffy pants

I give you: The Chernobyl facial

When I was about 25 years old I built a Zapper from electronics parts I got at RadioShack and a couple copper pipes from Home Depot. This was back when madresal and I were roommates, so she may remember my zapper. Every now and then I would hang out in the living room on the sofa and zap myself.


Unfortunatley, it was a clumsy shoebox construction, so after a few years of use it gradually fell apart and I never bothered to make another one.

Fast forward to three months ago when I discovered that zappers have become slick little devices that you can hold in one hand. In a fit of late night online shopping I bought one and had it shipped to me. Look out viruses and bacteria!

I've been wearing it off and on since receiving it, generally wearing it on my waist like a pager. (remember pagers? omg)


Last night I could feel a really large zit forming deep within the skin on my chin, and it occurred to me that my zapper might be the perfect weapon against this unwanted blemish. Zits are caused by bacteria, and zappers kill bacteria, right? Plus, I've got a first date with an OkCupid guy on Saturday (tomorrow) and couldn't bare the thought of showing up with a monster zit on my face. So I put the zapper on the zit and turned on the awesome film, House of Flying Daggers. I noticed a little tingling sensation on my skin as the zapper worked it's magic, but nothing too major. Time passed and I forgot about the zapper and got sucked into the movie....

I now have super beautiful electrical burns on my face.

After doing a little research online I found, "It's not a good idea to wear the zapper on throat or face because that area of skin remains slightly acidic, so you'll likely get stung after a few seconds.  It's impossible to do real harm with any battery-powered zapper but while you're still acidic you may get stung if you don't move the zapper to another location when it starts to itch or tingle.  If you don't, a tiny hole in the skin can develop from the acid in your blood. Vitamin E oil, applied daily to the hole with a small bandaid (plaster) prevents scarring."

'Not a good idea' indeed. I think I'm going to be gauzing my chin with aloe vera and vitamin E oil for the next month.