May 19th, 2015

sword

Taxidermied frogs can be wonderful tabletop décor

Whenever I get an email from my accountant I immediately feel a shockwave of fear shoot through me. It's not that she isn't a wonderful person or that she hasn't saved my financial ass repeatedly. It's the bigger concept of taxes that overshadows all of that. Does everyone feel this fear? Or is it just me, who has such a difficult time handling numbers to begin with, much less the complicated world of taxation, VAT, taxes across continents and taxes in in different languages.

In recent weeks I've been struggling with intense anger that's been bubbling up out of nowhere. Anger has never been an issue for me before so it's really strange, and I wonder why it's happening now. It's not even anger over daily events, it's anger directed at my parents, people from my past – ex-boyfriends and such – people that have no bearing on my daily life. I need to find some way to defuse these emotions because it's so completely unhelpful. I keep telling myself I'll start meditating and maybe that will help, but then I forget to do so. In the past I would walk to and from work and think about positive things, things I was looking forward to, but now it's all just me yelling at people in my head.

The stress of 1,000 things in an ever-constant state of increase may be getting to me.

In other news, Pinterest. While it's all beautiful and perfect, it is also nauseating, dumbed-down and full-on interactive monoculture. I'm the worst kind of addict, always searching for that peek inspirational high but never quite finding it as I scroll and search and collect pins on my boards.