Alcippe (alcippe) wrote,
Alcippe
alcippe

  • Mood:

Hungry Ghost

Quiet day. I walked for miles in the sun, wandering in and out of shops. Went to some thrift stores and half-heartedly sifted through old clothes and housewares. I found a skirt I liked but I put it back on the rack because I already have too many clothes and I just don't need anything more.
I bought vegetables at Edgewater Produce and packed them into my backpack. I felt very somber, very grim. I felt like a Hungry Ghost.

I wore my hair up, and when I caught my reflection in mirrors I didn't have to wince; my skin has cleared up fairly well and my hair, which I am in the process of growing out, is finally beginning to look less awkward. For a while it just looked shaggy and ill-cut, but now it seems to look better. So hopefully I'm coming out of my "ugly phase".

I had apfelstrudel for lunch. Mmmm.

I'm staying in tonight, taking it easy. There was a show I wanted to go to at the Metro, but I'm skipping it. Three bands and then DJs until 5am. I'm so tired and weary I don't even care I'm missing out, though. Someday I will go out and tear up the town, but just not today.

I can't look at the painting any more. I can't stand it. I need to set it aside and work on something else - something that doesn't fight me. I just can't make it work. I won't throw it away but I just can't work on it right now, I feel like it's crushing me. I look at it and see failure staring back at me. I need to put it in the closet or something, get it out of view. It's a black hole painting; I put hours and hours into it and it never seems to look right. Paint is too expensive to keep throwing away on something like this. I need to move on and create something I like.

This morning I made the awesome discovery that there is a Home Depot only a few blocks from where I live, so I bought a square piece of board there which I will gesso and paint. The board was $4, and an equivalent sized canvas would have cost me around $30 to $35, so I can save a lot of cash if I paint on board.
My brother tipped me off to the board vs. canvas money saving thing. Thanks jkretch :)
Subscribe

  • Stormtroopers

    I feel I need to record this. The experience of walking to the späti (convenience store) in Berlin at night on Rigaer Straße. There are dozens of…

  • A superior machine

    I picked up my old Macbook from the Gravis store, it's lain broken for the better part of two years in an odd corner of my home, but now that I need…

  • It attacks you where you are weakest

    I don't think I can look at the news or social media any more for the next couple days, it's becoming unbearable. I feel so powerless to make any…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 5 comments