Alcippe (alcippe) wrote,

Dark night of the soul, and five things

I've been feeling really, really down lately, basically due to the isolation that not having a regular job can bring, in addition to the fact that my closest friend here moved to London two months ago. The loneliness has become oppressive, almost unbearable, and I'm struggling to deal with it. Last night I went to an art opening just to be around other human beings. It's not really enough, even if I force myself to make small-talk with people. It feels so self conscious, and there's a deeper connection that's missing and it leaves me feeling hollow and forgotton. My sense of self worth has withered. I also wonder why I wanted to come here so badly, why did I do this to myself? I feel like Berlin hates me, and I wonder if coming here was a big mistake after all. But then, if not here, where do I belong? I have absolutely no idea. It's a Dark Night of the Soul kind of time for me right now.

Nevertheless, here are 'five good things about today':

When you see this, take a minute and share five good things of your day with the world, uncut:

1. I have hot water today. For the last week our building did not. We had to wait patiently for the boiler to be fixed. I've been taking 'bucket baths', wherein I boil water in a hot pot and then mix it to a comfortable temperature in a plastic bucket with which to wash myself. It was super duper sucky, and I'm glad that's over with.

2. The sun is out today. For the last.. I don't know how many days.. the sky has been extremely dark, making the world appear bleak and depressing. It's so nice to see the warm rays of the sun again.

3. I've been working on re-vamping my portfolio web site and it's looking and functioning much better than it did before. Hooray!

4. I woke up this morning at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. Moving to the sofa helped, and I got a few additional hours of shut-eye. Strange how that works.

5. My pet bird is here with me. He's moulting right now so there is a little bit more cleaning that I need to do than normal with all the feathers everywhere, but his presence in my life is invaluable.

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